Online since June 1997!

Then Honey, You might be...

1. If you regularly use the phrase "window treatment," then, honey, you might be gay.

2. If your kitchen drawer contains a shrimp de-veiner, a mushroom brush, or a lemon reamer, then, honey, you might be gay.

3. If you’re over thirty and thinner than you were in high school, then, honey, you might be gay.

4. If you know all the lyrics to any musical besides Jesus Christ Superstar, then, honey, you might be gay.

5. If your Christmas decorations include dried roses or baby’s breath, then, honey, you might be gay.

6. If you know the difference between a "soundtrack" and an "original cast album," then, honey, you might be gay.

7. If you tape Martha Stewart Living religiously, then, honey, you might be gay.

8. If the only professional sports you watch on TV are gymnastics, diving, and figure skating then, honey, you might be gay.

9. If you know what a sconce is, then, honey, you might be gay.

10. If you have a pet named Liza, Gypsy, or Talullah, then, honey, you might be gay.

11. If you have more ties than teeth, then, honey, you might be gay.

12. If you know how to spell Barbra’s first name, then, honey, you might be gay.

13. If you’ve never felt the need to use Barbra’s last name, then, honey, you might be gay.

14. If you know whether Rogers or Hammerstein wrote the music, then, honey, you might be gay.

15. If you’ve ever watched the Miss America pageant and said, "Where did she get that dress?", then, honey, you might be gay.

16. If it took you a while to realize that International Male was a catalog, then, honey, you might be gay.

17. If you’ve ever canceled a date because it conflicted with the Tony Awards, then, honey, you might be gay.

18. If you know the difference between "seafoam" and "celadon," then, honey, you might be gay.

19. If your video collection contains All About Eve, The Women, or Mommie Dearest, then, honey, you might be gay.

20. If you’ve ever been to a professional football game, spent the whole time watching the cheerleaders, and critiqued their performance, then, honey, you might be gay.

21. If you receive a floral arrangement and can name more than three flowers, then, honey, you might be gay.

22. If you’ve ever used the phrase "floral arrangement," then, honey, you might be gay.

23. If your Christmas stocking as a child contained bronzer or a moisturizer, then, honey, you might be gay.

24. If you know where to find tulle really cheap, then, honey, you might be gay.

25. If you can tie a bow tie on someone else, then, honey, you might be gay.

26. If you know whether Chita or Rita did the film version of West Side Story, then, honey, you might be gay.

27. If your mother calls you for decorating tips, then, honey, you might be gay.

28. If the names Jeff Stryker, Ryan Idol and Casey Donovan mean anything to you at all, then, honey, you might be gay.

29. If you have "dress" sneakers, then, honey, you might be gay.

30. If you own more than two throw pillows and they didn’t come with the couch, then, honey, you might be gay.

31. If you’ve ever seriously considered purchasing a divan, then, honey, you might be gay.

32. If you chose your socks this morning to bring out your eyes, then, honey, you might be gay.

33. If you use a Crate and Barrel bag as a lunch box, then, honey, you might be gay.

34. If the only reason you learned how to use the record function on your VCR was because it was male-strippers day on Donahue, then, honey, you might be gay.

35. If you know exactly where you were the night that Judy, Ethel or Lucy died, then, honey, you might be gay.

36. If Special K means something to you besides breakfast, then, honey, you might be gay.

37. If you own any article of clothing with the logo "2(x)ist," then, honey, you might be gay.

38. If you still mourn the premature demise of Conran’s, then, honey, you might be gay.

39. If you’ve ever bought a Barbie doll for your niece’s birthday, but her party comes and goes and she never actually opens up a Barbie doll for a present, then, honey, you might be gay.

40. If you’ve ever walked down the street, had a dozen beautiful men say hello to you, and not been able to recall a single face or name, then, honey, you might be gay.

41. If you own a pair of kneepads yet play no organized sport, then, honey, you might be gay.

42. If you’ve ever uttered the phrases "Get her!" "She’s a mess," or "What’s her problem?" then, honey, you might be gay.

43. If you talk in italics, then, honey, you might be gay.

44. If you’ve ever needed a massage because you’d overworked your eyebrows, then, honey, you might be gay.

45. If you’ve ever even for a second wondered what size butt plug you’d take, then, honey, you might be gay.

46. If you simply hate the color lavender because it makes you look sallow, then, honey, you might be gay.

47. If you know a guy who swears that his brother-in-law was the admitting doctor in the emergency room when Richard Gere came in with a gerbil up his butt, then, honey, you might be gay.

48. If you know for sure that Richard Gere isn’t gay because you know a guy who slept with Gere’s brother, who is gay and who swears that Richard isn’t, then, honey, you might be gay.

49. If someone says "How ‘bout them Bulls?" and all you can think of are petite picadors in tight pants, then, honey, you might be gay.

50. If you see a sign for IKEA, Pottery Barn, or Hold Everything and your palms start to sweat, then, honey, you might be gay.

51. If you require two syllables to say "please," then, honey, you might be gay.

52. If your pairs of shoes outnumber days of the week, then, honey, you might be gay.

53. If your underwear drawer is filled with nothing but Calvin Klein, in assorted styles and colors, then, honey, you might be gay.

54. If you you save the packaging materials from said Calvin Klein purchases, then, honey, you might be gay.

55. If at eighth grade dances you were the only boy who could stay on the beat, then, honey, you might be gay.

56. If you’ve ever, while walking down the street, executed an impromptu series of grande jetes, then, honey, you might be gay.

57. If you still can’t get over the fact that Sunday in the Park with George lost out to La Cage Aux Folles in nearly every category in the 1984 Tonys, then, honey, you might be gay.

58. If you’ve ever gone to a Mel Gibson movie, merely in the hope that he will repeat his butt-bearing performance from Lethal Weapon, then, honey, you might be gay.

59. If you’ve ever felt guilty at being attracted to someone as homophobic as Mel Gibson, then, honey, you might be gay.

60. If you know what Lyle Waggoner, Sam Jones, Christopher Atkins, Fabian, and Tommy Chong have in common, then, honey, you might be gay.

61. If you display in any public form a reproduction of Michaelangelo’s David, then, honey, you might be gay.

62. If you’ve ever trimmed your pubic hair to make "it" look bigger, then, honey, you might be gay.

63. If you’ve ever sighed with jealousy at the sight of a starlet in a feather boa, then, honey, you might be gay.

64. If you take a size 13 pump, then, honey, you might be gay.

65. If you own any chaps and they weren’t designed by Ralph Lauren, then, honey, you might be gay.

66. If you’ve often had a "beard," but never had facial hair, then, honey, you might be gay.

67. If the last time you put on a floor-length organdy ball gown you first had to shave your chest, then, honey, you might be gay.

68. If by the time the bus has arrived at your stop you’ve given every other passenger a "fashion score," then, honey, you might be gay.

69. If you’d sooner skip a day at the gym than show up in a workout ensemble that just didn’t match, then, honey, you might be gay.

70. If you’re the only male sibling in a family of ten and grandmother left you the Limoges, then, honey, you might be gay.

71. If you can think of more than five uses for a doily, then, honey, you might be gay.

72. If whenever you hear the name "Christina," you get the urge to shout "Bring me the axe!" then, honey, you might be gay.

73. If you’re currently wearing a studded, leather ring approximately 3 inches in diameter but no one can see it, then, honey, you might be gay.

74. If you know who Dorothy Gale is, then, honey, you might be gay.

75. If you’ve ever spontaneously quoted any of the lines from Auntie Mame, then, honey, you might be gay.

76. If you’ve ever run a red light because you were too busy thinking about what you were going to wear to the White Party, then, honey, you might be gay.

77. If you’ve ever bought a pair of jeans because they gave you a nice "basket," then, honey, you might be gay.

78. If you’ve bookmarked www.menonthenet.com, then, honey, you might be gay.

79. If you’ve ever turned when someone yelled "Hey, Mary!" and your name isn’t Mary, then, honey, you might be gay.

80. If you worship Marky Mark but own none of his CDs, then, honey, you might be gay.

81. If you can tell on sight the difference between a salchow and a triple lutz, then, honey, you might be gay.

82. If you’ve sworn never ever again to get drunk and do your Bette Davis impersonation, then, honey, you might be gay.

83. If you’re the only one in the class picture wearing spats and an ascot, then, honey, you might be gay.

84. If you used adverbs before the age of two, then, honey, you might be gay.

85. If you know exactly where to find those Brad Pitt photos on the Internet, then, honey, you might be gay.

86. If you can give directions to the nearest "glory hole," then, honey, you might be gay.

87. If you prefer Maria’s 1958 Normas to her 1959 Normas, then, honey, you might be gay.

88. If the idea of a car-parts store with the name "Ellis the Rim Man" makes you giggle, then, honey, you might be gay.

89. If you have more friends named Richard, Steven, and Michael than Rich, Steve, and Mike, then, honey, you might be gay.

90. If you’ve ever coiffed so aggressively that you drew blood, then, honey, you might be gay.

91. If the last time you danced at a wedding, you accidently started to follow, then, honey, you might be gay.

92. If people admire your "six-pack" and you don’t drink soda or beer, then, honey, you might be gay.

93. If you’ve ever introduced someone as your "partner" and you’re not in business together, then, honey, you might be gay.

94. If you’ve ever sent anything in black latex as a gift, then, honey, you might be gay.

95. If you’re known as someone who works "the Circuit" but you have no knowledge whatsover of electronics, then, honey, you might be gay.

96. If in your last "divorce" you fought over who would get the Soloflex, then, honey, you might be gay.

97. If you’ve ever asked for a sweat towel at the gym but accidentally said "cum towel" instead, then, honey, you might be gay.

98. If you’ve ever answered the phone at night to the sound of a husky male voice and asked ‘So, what’re you into?’ only to find the guy’s from Citibank, then, honey, you might be gay.

99. If you regularly slap other men on the butt but you don’t coach a football team, then, honey, you might be gay.

100. If your home decor encompasses more than one kind of Chippendale, then, honey, you might be gay.

101. If your dog is smaller than a bread box, then, honey, you might be gay.

102. If to you the antonym for "no" is "fabulous," then, honey, you might be gay.

103. If at the gym you spend more time in the shower than on the stairmaster, then, honey, you might be gay.

104. If you’ve ever entered a house and audibly admired the wainscotting, then, honey, you might be gay.

105. If you regularly "toss the salad" and it involves no greenery or vegetable of any kind, then, honey, you might be gay.

106. If you’ve ever said "Look at the tits on her!" and there were no women anywhere in sight, then, honey, you might be gay.

107. If you’ve ever gone 5 blocks out of your way to walk through Times Square and check out the latest Antonio Sabato billboard, then, honey, you might be gay.