Online since June 1997!

Redneck Jokes

"Laughter is the best revenge against death!" -- Joseph A. Hayden

Serious warning:  I provide this compilation of jokes because I believe in free speech and non-censorship. However, some of these jokes are off-color, adult-oriented and intended to be read within their context. If you are truly a bigot of any kind, then you cannot appreciate the humor that ethnic groups and sexual minorities can poke at themselves and each other. If you know me well as you may by perusing various aspects of my home page, then you know I do not tolerate bigotry, racism or homophobia. Because the following content ay also include language of a sexual nature, I implore you to select the previous page on your browser if you are a minor as defined by the jurisdiction in which you live or are offended by the kind of material which may appear below.

You're probably a redneck if...

0. You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
3. You've ever used lard in bed.
4. Your home has more miles on it than your car.
5. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
7. You consider a six­pack and a bug­zapper high­quality entertainment.
8. Fewer than half of your cars run.
9. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
10. The primary color of your car is "bondo".
11. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
12. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue­Ellen to walk by.
13. Your family tree doesn't fork.
15. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
17. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
18. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
20. Your brother­in­law is your uncle.
22. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
26. You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
27. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
28. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
29. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
32. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
33. You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
35. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
36. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
37. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
38. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
43. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
44. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
45. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
46. Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
47. You've ever financed a tattoo.
48. Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
49. You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
50. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
52. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
53. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
54. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
56. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
58. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
62. You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
63. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
64. You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
66. You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
67. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
68. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
69. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
70. You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
71. You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
72. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
74. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
75. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.