haydennet.com : Millennium March on Washington/Marriage

Photo (right) by Joe Otten

March 24, 2003 -- Eric and I are still very good friends, but we are not lovers, in case you are wondering. I will always love him and am glad he is a part of my life. He always will be.

30-Apr-00: What a weekend! I was hoping to have a great time, but it was better than I expected. I am SO glad that I brought my daughter, Alexandra, who was such a good girl. She got a lot out of the trip and she knew that being in the capitol city is exciting.

On the train ride down to Washington, DC, I overheard some people behind me say “Danny and Abe went down yesterday”. I already had my laptop on, so I pulled up a copy of a recent picture of whom I hoped they were talking about (since they are friends of mine and I am very good about keeping pictures so it was easy to find one of them). Suddenly, the woman behind me pointed to my laptop screen and said “That’s my brother!” Apparently she, her other brother and mother were traveling to DC to attend the mass wedding that was to take place Saturday morning. What a small world indeed! Later on the train ride Alexandra made a couple of friends with a family from Princeton and we had lots of fun activities for the rest of the ride and it went quickly.

We arrived in the late evening Friday and got on the lovely DC Metro and only had to go four stops to where we were staying. Somehow we had the energy to take a cab to Annie’s Steakhouse, the famous gay restaurant on 17th Street that I patronize each time I go to DC. It’s a few long blocks from Dupont Circle. Alex was falling asleep, but after a while we got a seat. I thoroughly enjoyed the food and Eric, my other half, was very impressed with the ambience. Alexandra was glad we took a cab both ways. I saw some familiar faces from New York City, which is not surprising.

Our hosts were so wonderful. Particularly because they had a cancellation of some other guests, we had more than enough room for the three of us. They have a beautiful 7 month old Akita who is so beautiful but a little intimidating for Alex. Saturday morning they had muffins, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee for us. We ate on the beautiful dining room table in their parlor, which is adorned by two pianos. Alexandra told them they must be rich when she saw how big the house was and they laughed.

We made our way, with our hosts, to the footsteps of the Lincoln Memorial. The weather could not have been more perfect (all weekend, although I might have gotten a little too much son, not that I couldn’t have used the tan). It was warm, but not blazing hot. It was not even overcast as they had predicted it would be. Eric and I had not planned too formally on what to do for our agenda on the weekend, but we wanted to be there for the ceremony and to be part of history. We have only been together a tad over two months (which was embarrassingly short compared to some of the couples there), but we feel very strongly for each other and have spent almost the entire two months inseparably. So, on a whim, Eric signed us up. I guess we’ll get some kind of certificate or something in the mail.

Anyway, Eric and I saw a LOT of our fellow New Yorkers, including the Abraham and Danny who were discussed on the train the night before, prominently in front of the stage with a little white leather-wearing bear, on which their wedding rings were held. They were wearing tuxedos and lots of folks were dressed up beautifully. Eric and I were more casually dressed but, thanks to his foresight, we wore matching shirts and jeans so others knew we were there together. We were interviewed for at least one newspaper and lots of photographers got lots of pictures of Alexandra and us. I felt like a seasoned media whore while Alex was pulling the shy act when asked what it was like to have two dads. I added (truthfully) that Alex was shocked to learn at one point that it was illegal for gay people to be married.

Alex went up to Danny and Abe at one time, fearless of the fact that they were in front of so much media and said hello. Abe had always been so kind and affectionate to her when we went bowling together with our group in New York City and Alex had not seen him in several months.

The band played with one of our hosts for a while and we listed to several speakers. Soon and unexpectedly, Eric and I were so moved by them that by the time we looked at each other to give each other our vows we were already crying. Alexandra was probably oblivious to it, but we were bubbling over with emotion. It was particularly poignant to see a gay male couple of 45 years and a lesbian couple of 42 years up on stage. They were so sweet. There was also a bi-national couple that had to fight the INS to stay together who have been together almost 30 years. For our personal ceremony, since we had thought so little of this ahead of time, Eric pulled out two dimes as the “tokens” that people were asked to bring to symbolize their love. Eric later suggested we should have them melted down into rings or a necklace charm or something. I don’t like to wear jewelry and wouldn’t care either way, but it was the sentiment that meant so much. I really could not believe how proud I was to be there and how proud I am to have had a ceremony with Eric. I guess I was pleasantly overcome by my emotions. He makes me feel wonderful and I have a feeling he’s going to be around as long as he can, but I know he and I will never forget this day so long as we live because we are both romantics and have wanted to work since we met each other. He kept on telling Alexandra throughout the weekend “Did I tell you how beautiful your father is?” Needless to say, he is great for my ego.

After the ceremony let out Eric managed to catch a cab for us (which we have discovered is quite a feat in DC). We made our way over to Dupont Circle and had a great lunch in an outside part of an Asian grill off of the main strips. I recognized several people who passed by and once again, of course, we got lots of nice smiles from people who saw our little family enjoying ourselves. Eric and I discussed how overwhelming the morning had been. He kept on repeating the rest of the weekend that he never though in a million years he would be married. I think it is important that gay people realize that our love is stronger than any government or church, as the speakers were assuring us, but that we DO insist on being treated equally and that we want the same rights as straight people who are able to have their unions. Eric told me to write that the nuptials were so beautiful that the commitment ceremony made him feel more connected to anyone than he had ever been in his entire life. Indeed, he wants to get a copy of them so that we can remind each other of them in the future.

After lunch we walked to Dupont’s center fountain and lounged for several hours on the grass with all the activists and visitors. We slept a bit and meanwhile this dancer who was going to perform asked Alex, who seemed bored, if she would like to play Frisbee (with one of the free frisbees another person had given her). We took video and great pictures in front of the tulips. Some of the best pictures were taken by Alexandra herself. Later, we moved over to hear the youth activists, in various capacities, give their speeches and to watch the dancers and cheer squads do their thing.

We went back to the house for a little while, exhausted, napped some more, and then got ready for the “Family Dance” which was being organized by the gay parenting organization which I have been on the Board of Directors of for four years now - Family Pride Coalition. I volunteered for a while at the front to receive people and ask for donations. The music was great and I got Alexandra to at least make one good friend with a girl who was shy and about her age. I asked Rachel to come over and we had a great time talking to her and her mothers Leslie and Carol, who have been together 3 years. They all live in Alexandria, Virginia. We left the dance before it was over, but not before seeing a lot of old friends from the gay parenting community and COLAGE. We then went back out to Dupont and tried to have dinner at Annie’s again. The wait was, of course, unbelievable, although the kind maitre’d recognized us as the tired family who had come in late Friday night from New York. We had dinner at another outside restaurant and again enjoyed the passersby and the fellow patrons, who were all in a great mood.

Sunday we got up a little later than expected. We got ourselves to the downtown area, but most of it was fenced off. We later found out that the vendors would be charging just for admission and that the food would require tickets, which was very frustrating, especially with the crowds. We didn’t mind the long walks around, however, and we finally got to the Family Garden, also organized by Family Pride Coalition, but sponsored by Gay.com. Excitedly, Carol, from the night before, came up and told us that Martin Navratilova and Melissa Etheridge and her lover were there. Indeed, Leslie had even gotten Julie Cypher to sign the back of her pride shirt, and they had gotten pictures with them. Eric and I saw them briefly, but we didn’t have our cameras ready (so that won’t be on our web site unless someone sends us their photos). I was surprised at how thin Julie was (after all, she just had two kids in a row). The Family Garden was a great location, under trees, and with lots of free snacks and other accommodations in such a secure environment. Over SEVEN THOUSAND people came through the gates of the Family Garden alone. The mainstream media counted the attendees of the entire march at 300,000, but other estimates (and you can judge yourself based on the pictures below of a full mall in mid-day) were closer to 750,000. Anyway, the Family Garden had a diaper-changing area, clown entertainment and musicians, our own port-a-potties, LOTS of free food and drinks, a media station, etc. We also could see all the action.

Eric and I did not want to stay in the enclosed area the entire time though, although it was huge. We walked among the marchers, with Alexandra, on the mall between the capitol and the Washington Monument and we even took Alexandra over to the fixed merry-go-round, which she enjoyed during the procession. Lots of celebrities spoke on the huge monitors and over the loudspeakers, including Margaret Cho, who we saw.

After another exhausting, but full day, we got back to the house and decided to try to take an early train back. It was a VERY crowded unreserved train. A LOT of people had to sit on the floor for most of the grueling 3.5 hours, but some people were not going as far as we did. We were very lucky to get the seats we did and, in fact, the ride was more comfortable for us than the Metroliner that we took DOWN to DC on Friday (which was reserved, but had less leg room). I love taking the train to DC because of the relative comfort, quiet and how productive I can be (even if it just doing email or sleeping). There is an electric plug for the laptop so I could do work on the computer the entire time if I wanted to. I am so proud to have been part of such a historical weekend and so lucky to have been with the man I love and my precious daughter throughout the entire time.