Haydennet.com – Joseph Andrew Hayden, Juris Doctor

• You can’t stalk the willing!
• Don’t make me put you out of my misery.
• I go to the gym about zero times a week.
• Every anti-clique is a clique.
• Humor is the best revenge against death.
• I sleep with men in monogamous relationships all the time.
• My life could be a whole season of Oprah’s.

Quotes from Family Guy television series:

• Stewie: It wasn’t even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, ‘My God wouldn’t it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?’
• Lois: What’s going on down here? Stewie: Oh, we’re playing house. Lois: That boy’s all tied up. Stewie: Roman Polanski’s house.
• Stewie: I’m the dog. I’m well read and have a diverse stock portfolio. But I’m not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the rug.  Brian: I’m a pompous little antichrist who will abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and wind up settling with a rough trick named Jim.
• Chris: Here Stewie, have a fig newton.  (Stewie eats the cookie.)  Stewie (while chewing): I say, I must use him for, OH GOD THERE’S AN ORGY IN MY MOUTH!!!!!  Stewie: What’s this? Blueberries! Oh, oh my G … oh, that’s better than sex!
• Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!

Quotes From Others

• I’m not a slut, I’m a people person.
• I don’t like to repeat gossip, so I’ll just tell you once.
• “Not all conservatives are stupid, but all stupid people are conservative.” H. L. Menckin
• “Indifference is a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction)”
• Rodney Dangerfield: “If all goes well I’ll be in the hospital 3 weeks; if it doesn’t go well, I’ll be in the hospital 3 hours.”
• Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. – Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
• Someone said he was not muscular or husky in his profile, but rather “HUSKULAR”
• Profile of someone who chatted me up online:  ”"Single, fun, witty, intelligent, caring guy in Brooklyn.  Looking for like guys for sex…whatever happens after that isn’t my fault”
• Eleanor Roosevelt — “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
• “I don’t know what’s wrong with my television set. I was getting c-span and the home shopping network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.” — Bruce Baum
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
• I used to lift weights, but they were just too heavy.
• “The Bible contains six admonishments of homosexuals and 362 admonishments of heterosexuals.  That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals.  It’s just that they need more supervision.” – Lynn Lavner
• “I don’t hate bigots, but I can’t STAND their lifestyle.  And I wish they wouldn’t flaunt it in our faces.” – Anonymous
• “We’re not different.  We are extraordinary!” — Harvey Fierstein, Gay Games 1998
• “If you stopped lying you wouldn’t have to remember so much.” — Mark Twain
• Definition of Homophobia — A deep insecurity with being heterosexual.
• “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”  Margaret Mead
• My Karma Ate Your Dogma
• “Beware the man of one book.” — St. Thomas Aquinas
• I tried lifting weights, but they were just too damn heavy. — Scott, an online friend from Westchester, NY.
• I think, therefore I am single. — online from a friend in San Francisco.
• A sorrow shared is cut in half, and a joy shared is doubled.
• “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” — Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
• You want sympathy? You’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”.
• H.L. Menken: “Not all conservatives are stupid, but all stupid people are conservatives.”
• “Too much of a good thing is wonderful.” — Mae West
• Excuse #1 for Avoiding Jury Duty: “Your Honor, any jury I’m on would be hung!”
• Excuse #2 for Avoiding Jury Duty: “Your puny Earth laws are no concern of mine, Magistrate!”
• Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
• No one can arrive from being talented alone. God gives talent; work transforms talent into genius. — Anna Pavlova, quoted in Los Angeles Examiner
• We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. – Harry Edwards, quoted by Dennis Wyess in Time
• Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. – Steven Wright
• “I used to be Snow White – but I drifted.” — Mae West
• “I find that I am at two with nature.” — Woody Allen
• Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world. – Robert Orben in Quote Magazine
• Mother: Someone who thinks the girls who go after her son are forward and the ones who don’t are stupid. – Ida Hughs, Singer Communications
• Truth: Something stranger than fiction, but not as popular. – Dell Crossword Puzzles
• “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” Nelson Mandela, quoting Marianne Willimanson, in his 1994 Inaugural Speech.
• If you can’t say anything nice about anyone come sit by me.
• I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
• “To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men.” — Abraham Lincoln
• “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” — Mark Twain
• “Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.” Iara Gassen
• “Those who haven’t dared haven’t lived.” Helen Keller
• “Why wall-to-wall carpet the world when it’s easier to put on slippers?” Stewart Smalley (Al Franken)
• “100% of the shots you don’t take, you don’t make.” — Hockey Player Wayne Gretsky
• “Floggings will continue until morale improves.”
• Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s right up there with oxygen.
• Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. — Douglas Adams
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. — Anon.
• “Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!”
• “Just say no to sex with pro-lifers”
• “U.S. out of my uterus”
• Fuck War
• It will be a good day when our kids have all the money they need for school, and the military has to hold a bake sale for a new bomber.
• What’s the difference between God and Rush Limbaugh? God doesn’t think he’s Rush Limbaugh” — Anon.
• Ignorance is the most violent element in society
• My kid beat up your honor student.
• There’s nothing more dangerous than a coward with a gun.
• A loaded gun scares one person, an unloaded gun scares two. — Anon of Pakistan.
• Seen on a hot-air hand dryer at a local Interstate Highway rest area: “For a quote from Rush Limbaugh, press button.”
• You campaign in poetry. You govern in prose. Mario Cuomo in New Republic magazine (4/8/85)
• The theory of legal procedure is that if you set two liars to expose one another, the truth will emerge. [George] Bernard Shaw
• “Too True To Be Good” (1933)
• I don’t want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do; I hire him to tell me how to do what I want to do. J. Pierpont Morgan quoted by Harold L. Klawans in Trials of An Expert Witness (1991)
• As Abraham Lincoln said ‘No one is above the law.’ Richard M. Nixon, campaign speech (1968)
• When the President does it, that means than it is not illegal. Richard M. Nixon in an interview to David Frost (5/19/77)
• “There are two types of women; those who like chocolate and complete bitches.” – Dawn French
• May the fleas of a thousand camels infest in your armpits forever.- Anon.
• You must kiss a lot of frogs to find one prince… Quand il me tient dans ses bras, je vois la vie en rose…
• I called an operator to find the Country Code for Cuba today. They informed me after a longish search that they had no listing for the country under ‘Q’.
• People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
• Marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence.
• Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
• “What passes for woman’s intuition is often nothing more than man’s transparency.” –George Jean Nathan
• AIDS is just a virus… Pat Robertson is a punishment from God.
• What you’re doing’s so weird, I can’t even figure out what you’re doing.
• I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing near you!!
• I am a greedy, selfish bastard. I want the fact that I existed to mean something. — Harry Chapin
• A friend is someone who will help you move your furniture. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
• “Never let school get in the way of your education.” — Mark Twain
• “Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them.” – Joseph Joubert
• “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” – Sir Winston Churchill
• “Sleep, riches, and health, to be truly enjoyed, must be interrupted.” – Jean Paul Richter
• “A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein
• “Clothes don’t make a man, but clothes have got many a man a good job.” – Herbert Harold Vreeland
• “If your friend won’t lend you fifty dollars, then he’s probably a close friend.” – Unknown
• “The worst thing about a bore is not that he wont stop talking, but that he won’t let you stop listening.” – Unknown
• “I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.” – Tom Lehrer
• “People who snore always fall asleep first.” – Unknown
• “Never go to be mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
• “If people don’t want to come out to the ball park, nobody’s going to stop them” – Yogi Berra
• “As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.” – Joan Gussow
• “Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.” – Mrs. Patrick Campbell
• “The shortest distance between two points is always under construction.” – Noelie Alito
• “There is no greater loan than a sympathetic ear.” – Frank Tyger
• Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.  Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
• In order to draw a limit to thinking, we should have to think both sides of this limit.   Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
• The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.  Robertson Davies
• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.  Albert Einstein
• It is vain to do with more what can be done with less.  William of Occam
• Belief gets in the way of learning.  Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
• Nothing is more damaging to a new truth than an old error.  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.  Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
• Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.  George Santayana
• A prudent question is one half of wisdom.  Francis Bacon
• Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.  Oscar Wilde
• There is an incessant influx of novelty into the world, and yet we tolerate incredible dullness.  Henry David Thoreau, Walden
• Only the shallow know themselves.  Oscar Wilde, Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young
• The coward regards himself as cautious, the miser as thrifty.  Publilius Syrus
• Reality, however utopian, is something from which people feel the need of taking pretty frequent holidays.  Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
• As an artist grows older, he has to fight disillusionment and learn to establish the same relation to nature as an adult as he had when a child.  Charles Burchfield
• Children, like animals, use all their senses to discover the world. Then artists come along and discover it the same way all over again. - Eudora Welty
• Every child is an artist. The problem is to remain an artist once he grows up.  Pablo Picasso
• What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.  Augustus Saint-Gaudens, Reminiscences
• The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom even ordinarily respectable.  H. L. Mencken, Prejudices, First Series
• We are ashamed of everything that is real about us; ashamed of ourselves, of our relatives, of our incomes, of our accents, of our opinions, of our experience, just as we are ashamed of our naked skins.  George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman
• One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.  Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
• A Quotation worthy of living by:  This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
• I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
• George Bernard Shaw  from Man and Superman, Dedicatory letter:  I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.