Today makes two years since Mom died. I think she would have been very happy that a lot of her plants and clippings are thriving in my backyard, some of them in the very ceramic holders that she created in her own kiln.
Category Archives: Memoriam
NYC Trip
The main impetus for traveling to NYC (which I was due for a trip to see my friends and daughter anyway) was the loss of my sweet friend Michael Demarsico as I mentioned in this blog earlier in the year. His husband had this celebration of life, so I don’t want to say that it was sad to go to his memorial, but it certainly was exactly as he would have wanted, down the last song that played and the snacks and venue that he chose. What a guy!
My daughter’s birthday happened to be around the same time, so of course I extended my trip and got to see many of the people I love and miss, as well as show Shando my old stomping grounds. I have a number of postings, but here are some of the random shots from the visit, including the trip to the High Line Park with my friend Carol.
We Lost One of the Good Ones
I found out one of my good friends (and fellow Yorkie owner) from NYC Michael DeMarsico died a few days ago at the age of 44. I know everyone says only good things about those who have died, but he was truly pure to the core and must have had perfect karma, despite the tragic nature of the disease that took him at such a young age. He was a prolific writer and loyal friend and was survived by his husband and his dog Chloe. I cherish the long emails we had together over the past two decades and the countless coffees and social events I shared with him. I’m so glad I saw him on my last trip to NYC in 2014 (one of the pictures with Chloe is below) when he was already struggling with some of the symptoms of MSA, but he was STILL making jokes about it as he lost motor function. Every time I started to feel the tiniest bit sorry for myself when I had limited mobility this past four months I thought of people like him and so many others suffering, like the children of Syria and the refugees all over the world whose problems dwarfed my inability to walk without crutches. Now that I’m healing and I know I’ll make a full recovery, I hope to return to NYC for the celebration of his life in a month or so. I could only hope to be as genteel and brave as Mike was facing a painful and slow death head on. I’m sure he will be immortalized by his writing. It was at his behest that he not have a funeral but rather a party for his friends, which only demonstrates that he was a total class act. Rest in Peace sweet man.
Mom’s Ashes in Calabria
After Mass for Mom in Catanzaro
Mass for Mom in Catanzaro
Before Mass for Mom in Catanzaro
I miss you so much, Mom!
Giuseppina Benenati Hayden (1942-2016)
Fuck Cancer! Ovarian cancer in particular is an insidious and sneaky disease. Her grandmother (my great-grandmother) had died of it when she was 52, but I didn’t think my mother (a health nut) would be vulnerable to getting it even at 73. Mom was in ICU for almost a month and I was there once or twice a day hoping for the little miracles that ended up not helping her to go back to any kind of life she was used to. Life is so unfair, but I am grateful that at least the last several months of her life Mom lived with me due to completely unrelated circumstances of the fire at her house. Shando and I were able to keep a close eye on her with my siblings, particularly since my brother and nephew also moved in with us. Fortunately we had the space. It was a roller coaster since she was diagnosed only weeks after the fire, but we were at least hoping that she would have a normal life for several more years when we first heard about this. Instead she had to go to the hospital twice and her little body just couldn’t overcome all of the ways that the chemo related infection and cancer were attacking her organs. I know she knows we loved her (she was able to nod her head and hear us almost the entire time she was in ICU) and I’m glad I was there holding her hand and promising her my siblings and I would be taking care of each other when she died. She deserved a longer life, but at least we made her death as dignified as possible.
Castro/Golden Gate Bridge
Some sites from the Castro, including a shrine to Donna Summer, RIP.
It was also the weekend of the 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate, and we caught them testing the lights for the fireworks show to happen the next night.
I lost my friend Curtis Stanton to cancer
I just found out today that after years of struggling, at 39, Curtis died of cancer. We had literally been online friends since at least 2003, and we had run into each other at various events around the country over the years. In fact, it was (and will be) odd to be any major event that bears attend and not see Curtis with his joyous life force. Embedded in this post is a picture of us in 2010 in Phoenix for Phurfest on Luau night. Despite having gone to Hawaii twice myself, this was the most authentic and magical Hawaiian traditional event I had ever attended.
Curtis was a genuinely fun guy and outrageously funny Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. I was very honored that he spent so much time with me when we saw each other.
I’d like to send a personal “FUCK YOU” to the tobacco industry ( RJR and Phillip Morris aka “Altria”, et al.) for taking away another young life way before his time. FUCK YOU for addicting the children of the world to your poison. FUCK YOU for lobbying governments to get your insidious product mass distributed and into venues where young victims start becoming your new (short) lifelong customers.